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Thank you for this post and your advice. I’m sorry it’s been a difficult 14 months but slow and steady…. We make our way somehow, don’t we? 
I am a naturally tidy and organized person and do my best to keep on top of housework /meals at home as I work full time and am a wife and mama. I feel I am at that stage in life (42) where both my tween daughter and my own aging parents (they just turned 80) need me more and in sometimes emotionally draining ways. I can normally manage it all and stay upbeat too.  However, after unexpected news at my mammogram a few weeks ago, I’ve been unsettled, confused, and weepy. My family, my husband especially, has been very loving as I process everything but all the house and meal planning and basic tasks fell by the waysid. Only yesterday did I finally bundle up and go outside for a walk in the cold, take sometime to nourish myself with a good home cooked meal (tomato soup in a sourdough bowl), and begin to reclaim my sense of home. For me, step one is to get outside and greet the sun. From there some next best step appears and I just go with it! Ha.

Take care.

GRANDMA DONNA WROTE,  Nadya H, I will be praying for you and hope that your results will find that all of this is fixable. Definitely nourish yourself and find what makes sense to you and makes you feel calm, peaceful and loved. 

I've been feeling sorry for myself and this was a timely reminder. I shattered my ankle in October (It is slowly getting there), my brother died suddenly and unexpectedly in January (he was 56), my mum is expected to get a diagnosis of dementia (she is 80) and has also lost a lot of weight from not eating. I have a medication caused tremor and am afraid it will result in my not being allowed to drive. My ankle, and the tremor are making living in my flat (one floor up) almost impossible, so I am having to look into housing options. I don't say all this for sympathy, rather a sort of realisation from reading your post Donna that there are still things I can do and progress I can make. 

Laura in Scotland

Thank you, Donna. I am 72 but I only lost my father last month. A man of many hobbies and interests, he had accumulated 96 years of "stuff" with abandon. Although I did my best, I finally returned to my tiny apartment with 3 new pieces of furniture and 20 boxes of things to integrate, absorb or deal with. It would have been nice to come home to a serene and peaceful home, but instead it is chaos, and there is a huge lack of energy to deal with it, plus health problems of a 72-year old. Very similar to your own situation. Although I have no partner, your article has been immensely helpful. There are certainly things I can try to adopt here, and your accepting and loving attitude is so encouraging. I put up a little post-it that says "GDonna" on it in some hot spots in the apartment to be reminded of you and your kind advice!

Trish in Silicon Valley

Good afternoon Donna

This is a great topic and your comments really hit home with me.  My husband passed away last year and it has been quite the hectic time getting things done.   Some days I look at the list of things to do, and just sigh, so I started just picking off one thing at a time.  And it doesn’t have to be the most important   Just one thing.  And I have found that once I get that one thing done, I can do more.  It is just so daunting sometimes to look around and see everything that needs to be done.  Your writing on this was far more eloquent.  Thank you!  It felt good to read this and realize I wasn’t alone!

My husband and I are in our early 70’s and helped care for our first 3 grandchildren who are now 8, 10 and 13 and thought we began getting accustomed to more fre time when 18 months ago we were blessed with a 4th grandchild and of course we were thrilled to offer to keep this sweet baby so his parents could work and not have him in daycare but it does take pretty much our whole week and leaves the weekend for projects. I break up cleaning tasks to make things go smoothly and prepare meals for the week on Sunday.? do set aside time to read my Bible, crochet a little and enjoy posts like yours. I am grateful you are back and am sure you and Charles will get through this

GRANDMA DONNA WROTE, Trish W I completely understand what you are going through and I send my condolence and prayers to you for your loss. One thing I did not mention in the blog post is how Charles and I immediately got busy updating legal papers and organizing our paperwork.  Just today we are going through a car load of clothing from a walk in closet at Madge's house and it will take more trips to take care of just the closet.  Very small house, very big closet.  Rest your body all you can, that is what I have had to do and pick up where you left off when you can.  I know that this will eventually get done and we can move past.  Try to find normal fist and consider it a side job going through the items you brought back instead of a priority as we did because that only causes more chaos in the home.  

GRANDMA DONNA WROTE, Hilogene O, I cannot remember if I sent you Condolences for the loss of your husband last year but I will repeat because it has not been that long and certainly you are still going through many emotions.  You are very wise to pick off just one thing at a time so you do not get overwhelmed.  It can be daunting to keep up a house on normal situations, no doubt this will all take much time so be kind to yourself and do those baby steps.

Diana, this is a lot of work that you are doing in your 70's, you were a bit younger with the other three.  This is hard work to help raise a child for young folks, your family is very fortunate to have you to care for their children.  You must feel better to do this than to worry about them in daycare.  When things get tough I will think about you to keep me motivated. Lol  Thank You.

Well things here are going pretty well but who knows what is just over the hill waiting for us. We have had really nice warm weather for February and so I have been out in the yard weeding, trimming shrubs, and cutting back perennials.  So this has been absorbing a lot of my time recently.  But there are some things that I need to get done before truly warm weather brings on the real work of  spring .  So my three things would be: 1.  Straightening out and cleaning the pantry, taking all the stuff out, wiping down the shelves and reorganizing the shelves, then taking out the things on the floor there and sweeping it out and mopping.  2.  Taking several old pictures in to the photography place to be restored and finding frames for a couple that are just laying around taking up room.       3.  Giving a coat of varnish to a couple of small wooden things that stay out in the garden beds over the summer.  Those things should take no more than an hour each , if that much, and would eliminate some of the things that I have been procrastinating about getting done.

There are always a good many inside things that I plan to do over the winter but fiddle around and don't get to them in time.  Once spring really arrives I would always prefer to be outside working and there are always many outside things that have to be done and I am the one who does them.

This past year has been very difficult for me, too.  A year ago, due to circumstances beyond our control I had to sell the home I loved in a place I loved to move into a bedroom at my daughters house in another state.  It's been a very hard adjustment.  I am very grateful to my daughter and her family for providing a place for me temporarily.  I have my bedroom furniture,clothes and odds and ends here but all of the rest of my things are in storage in another state.  I am missing taking care of my home.  My daughter prefers to do her own housework but once in a while I do something for her.  I'm 74, almost 75 and in good health.  I am going to visit my son and family in Thailand soon but when I get back I'm going to find a little apartment or some place for me to live on my own.  These are very strange times that we are living in and I'm not sure it's going to get any better very soon. 

Thank you for your posts, Donna.  They are a very bright spot in my day and they encourage me to keep on keeping on.  

Hi,

Our loss (Tuesday of this week) Was my best friend of 16 years , His name was Henry and he was 16yrs, He was our dog and it was his not eating anymore and getting weaker by the day, the visit to the vet was something he hated but Tuesday was his last visit and the vet said it was time,

In spite of serving in the Army for a long time and seeing some really bad things, I never once cried,

And to add to this my father "who was a very hard man and instilled in me to never let him catch me crying "Big boys do not cry" was his thoughts on this subject, "Hence in so many situations we're tears we're needed" I just could not cry, But as Henry passed into a deep sleep before the second needle stopped his heart beating and he died I just felt the tears running down my cheeks and it was not grit in my eye "as i told my father i had when I'd feel pain, 

No these we're real tears and every day i have had that  "grit in the eye feeling but the tears have just fallen down my face,  Little things like looking at Henry's Biscuit tin sitting on the kitchen counter top, (always full of his much liked brand) & one tin in every work place i have 

The old pig house "now a small working area & the wood working area and the old caravan i use as a man escape cave, again a tin in each and Henry would appear when i was in any of these places and give me that look, I am 75yrs now but keep very active always have lots to do and many a day run out of time but never jobs to do, Now as i walk passed the spot i have put Henry to rest in I can't help but feel so lost without him, All this may sound daft to a lot of folk !!

But to be honest i have more time for animals than a lot of people i have come across,

My wife also has the same upset  but she has shown me the real girl i married 48 years ago and understands this (always working at some project) has a weak spot  and she has been there all the way,

Every time i sit down to watch the TV I seem to have advert after advert of dogs "eating or running across fields etc and then my mind is off remembering all times "Henry" did things,

No escape from the past just now, He had a good life never missed a meal and loved every visitor we see here out in the stick, ie the Postman /waste collection/ & the hill walkers who pass our gates with the warning sign on the gates (Dog keep out) It should have read warning he will lick you to death !!

If only animals could talk,

Thank you for sharing your thoughts in this article. It has helped me today as I am now 75

and suffer with pain due to arthritis and sometimes things just seem like mountains I have to climb, your article made me realise no matter how slowly I go, the things will get done just by one things at a time, even if only one day at a time. it has helped motivate me.

Best wishes to you and thank you again xx

GRANDMA DONNA WROTE,  Victoria W, thank you for sharing your three things and you will have those done and out of the way.  I feel when we procrastinate, which I do with many things,  that it adds a burden to us and in some ways affects our health because once we go ahead and do that thing that we keep pushing aside or ignoring we feel so much better. :)

Weaverbird, I hope you have a wonderful trip to Thailand, when you get back home I hope you can find that special place that you have been wanting to find. 

Daniel A,  your "real" tears, and not grit in the eyes, are very justified.  It is so difficult to lose a best friend that has four legs and fur or any type of pet.  When our dog Maggie died, Charles could not stop crying, he finally could get it under control, but any thought or seeing something around the house would set him off again.  I have had my time with this too.  As the years have gone by he still walks up to the spot that Maggie was laid to rest and when he comes back to the house and I can see that he had been crying.  We grieve because we love, and we never un-love, we just learn to live without them here.  I respect your tears because a man that cries has love within him.  

Patricia O, thank you for letting us know that this post has helped. When I thought about it that, my Grandmother did things slowly even on a good day and somehow she always got it done. When she got older, she still did little things all along.   I am not sure when we got to a point that we feel we must get things done quickly. If we just do what we can in parts we still get the same outcome.  If I don't ever start doing a little bit at a time on something I need or want to do, such as edging those cloths, I will never do them. So by giving them a small amount of time in my day I started and now each day stitch a little.  

Hello Donna, I just wanted to let you know how much I enjoy reading your writings here. I love the simple, quiet life I have at home, but lately there have been some very stressful situations to deal with, and this has taken its toll on my housework and meal preps. Reading your words, and those of other commenters here, has really helped me to get things back in order, by just tackling “one thing” and then being encouraged to continue. I spent a day in my garden this week, just tidying up and enjoying the (rare!) good weather. I wish you and your husband good health and restored energy as we move slowly into spring! Best wishes, Lindsay

Dear Donna,

Thank you so much for this post, I really needed it today. Your tip for doing three small things a day is wonderful. You always have so much peaceful wisdom to give and I appreciate it! I love  your 'never give up' spirit and your thoughtful approach to life. My faith is what gets me through the hard times, and there are always hard times in this life.  When I used to pray with my elderly grandmother, she used to say at the end of our long prayers, "Now its time to get up and do something." I feel that same sense of 'doing' in your posts.  Thanks so much.

Patty in Ohatchee

To Daniel:You shouldn't feel bad about showing your pain over the loss of Henry.  Animals especially ones that we have lived with have a way of worming their way deep into our hearts.  People who have never had long-time pets simply don't understand this.  We lost our cat, Handsome, about 12 years ago and he has been "replaced" (such a silly word since it's an impossibility) by several cats in the intervening years.  We buried him in the back yard and every time I pass by I say to myself and to Handsome, "You were the best cat ever!".  There is still a pang when I think of him but time helps a lot with the intensity of that.  I remember a quote that was mentioned last year when Queen Elizabeth died.  It went "Grief is the price we pay for Love". So true.  You loved Henry and I am sure he reciprocated your love. Your grief over his death is a testament to that love.    

Hi Grandma Donna.  Another beautiful post.  You are so wise.  I am making cleaning and tidying a priority as I age.  For some reason, it seems more challenging with age.  I think a lot of it is having too much stuff after our parents die.  I have been feeling a little anxious because the drivers on the street where I live have started driving and parking on the wrong side of the road.  It is so dangerous!  It makes me jumpy.  I run my dog along my bicycle with a Walkydog bar, and I don't want us to get hit by a car.  It's sad that there is so much chaos and lack of structure right now.  Thank you for the reminder to stay on top of the housekeeping.  I am weeding the front garden this week, in patches. 

This is my first chance to reply to this post.  

My siblings and I had to go through our parents' things and it was such an ordeal.  They kept everything.  Oh, the house looked neat as a pin, but peek under the bed, in a closet, in a drawer, or even behind the sofa, and it was packed full - plus two sheds!

With that in mind, I have set myself to de-cluttering, and I'm making progress.  The hardest part is knowing that some things I just love and know I will keep as long as possible, will be something my kids and grandkids will probably give away once I pass, but I'm not blaming them.  Tastes are different, and some things might be pointless to them by the time they inherit.  

One thing you mentioned, Donna, was paperwork, which was a good thing to bring up.  I got all our legal paperwork done, signed and notarized, which includes things like health surrogacy, living will, do not resuscitate orders, powers of attorney, trusts, and guardian at need.  A guardian at need simply states that in the event you are deemed to finally need a guardian by the courts, you have already  named one you can trust.

Hi Grandma Donna,

My favorite thing about you and Charles' "three things" each day is that they are little things you enjoy (maybe not drawer cleaning lol) but don't always get to do because other things pop up. But since you've written them down as priorities, it's easier to remember that you'd like to read a book for half an hour or get a little crocheting done. I have such a hard time finding balance between my tech-focused career and my simpler hobbies like crocheting and baking.

The other thing I loved from this post was a small sentence or two about learning. Oh my goodness - as AI has become an increasingly more popular topic and feature in software apps, while I think it has value in certain contexts, I am very concerned about the impact on our human brains when we have EVEN MORE convenience that rids us of the need for critical thinking and learning new things. 

Being bored is "painful" because our brain is desperate for something to think about, untangle, and get involved with. I worry that we (society at large) are getting further and further away from giving our brains the challenge it needs. In times past, there just weren't so many options like today - especially entertainment options - so we had to get creative and "make do." I'm a millennial and feel grateful that up until college, I had a very Internet-limited life and had to get creative about occupying myself. I have lost some of that spirit of creativity but your blog and others help me get back on track.

Thank you for a lovely post,

Diamond

And Daniel A., 

Thank you for sharing your post. I was teary-eyed through the whole thing, your love for Henry so evident. Your wife and the people in your life are lucky to have you because you have a heart that cares so deeply.

I too am sorry it’s been such a rough time.  I do think we all have periods of our lives that are struggles as you said.  I’m not sure what my 3 things would be.  I do know when things get too far out of order, my anxiety increases.  When that happens, I try to clean the living room and bathroom.  That might sound funny but they are the easiest to clean and make a big difference in the appearance of the house.  I can only send condolences for the ongoing home repairs and send prayers they come to an end. 
Love your cookie stamp ????

Many blessings 

Hello Donna and Charles, this was very spot on.  I thought of a quote I memorized from a book I am reading.   "When life seems like prison walls to be, I do the little I can do and leave the rest to Thee."   Prayers for you both. Always appreciate your sharing and encouragement.   In Joy  Vivian

Hi GDonna and everyone. Daniel your post brought tears to my eyes as 2 days ago it has been 2 years since we lost our cat of 14 years and today marks a 1 1/2 years ago since our other cat also 14 years old passed away. She was never the same without him. We have them buried at our property next to a bobcat that my husband hit with our car we had at the time. It's fun to think of them being buried by something that is a predator on a big level. We like to think he is protecting them both. The 3 things I really need to do. We feel as if we have gotten off track or side swiped as we keep calling it. We can get certain things done and others just never have the time. The other day I decided I was going to tackle finishing painting the exterior lights and shutters on our house as last fall the weather and bushes in bloom stopped me. It was just refreshing knowing that it's now fully complete. Our legal documents are also in the middle of getting updated. One thing I have learned is that most nowadays don't even have legal documents in place or even insurance beyond liability. It's very scary and I know how expensive it is, but I believe it would be worse to not have them. I recently made a list of things that we must get done in a certain time frame before the spring and summer storms stop us. There's always so much to do and never enough time. I used to think it's because I run our business and our house, but I'm convinced it's just the way the world is nowadays. Feels like were under attack from all aspects.

but I'm convinced it's just the way the world is nowadays. Feels like were under attack from all aspects.

I can completely relate to your last statement.  I was thinking just this morning while trying to refill an Rx that as much as I love simple living and try to live that way always, this current world/country situation does not make it easy on us.  ????. There are some advantages of this technological age we're living in but take me back to where I could call up a store, business, etc, and get a real person instead of going through 15 minutes of talking to a computer.  It is frustrating at times but it is what it is.  Have a beautiful day!